Recently I was feeling overwhelmed and weary, and I thought, “I need a vacation.” BUT, I knew that was a very unrealistic need. (Can needs be unrealistic?) Where would I go, and moreover, I didn’t want to spend any money. So that was the end of the story.
But it wasn’t the end. In fact, life got worse, and after valiantly fighting and hoping, I got sick. Mostly I breeze through colds with mild symptoms, but this was a little worse and I had to stop and rest. But that is when the good, in what I thought was bad, happened. I only felt uncomfortable for about two days, and then while I definitely wasn’t well and still needed to rest, I could actually enjoy this break thrust upon me guilt free. Furthermore, spring weather arrived, and with it a renewing of hope. Here is a quote from an e-mail I sent to a friend:
“This morning as a cool breeze from the outdoors stirred through the house and sunshine shone brightly outside, I felt reenergized and renewed, the promise of spring outdoors resonating with an emotional spring in my soul. I have been weary, but these days of rest have been like a drink from a cold winter well.”
That is what is was like, and it was almost ethereal. Resting all day, letting myself forget all the work I should be doing and indulging in “fluff” reading while wrapped in a blanket to ward off any chill from the invigorating spring air. I made one exception to my “no working” rule and did some hand sewing to finish a project I had wanted to do since Christmas, but that was it. The rest I just let go for a few days.
So often if find it hard to let go and place things back in God’s hands, but this gift of a rest period, packaged with beautiful sunshine and crisp air was a reminder to me of God’s goodness, of his control of even the smallest things, and that he can use even bad things to good purpose.
The foolishness of thinking that I can do a better job if I keep control boggles my mind, and yet in a blink I forget and want things to go the way I plan them. Why do I so often and so quickly forget to trust Him?
Sometimes a vacaction isn't where we go, it's how it makes us feel.